Connection Checklist

The best balance sheet of life isn’t just about assets and achievements; it’s a record of the love, trust, and connection we build along the way. Investing in our relationships is perhaps our most worthwhile investment – it yields the greatest returns, not just in happiness but in health and longevity. In fact, Gottman Couples Research shows that every year spent in a poor relationship can shorten our lifespan by up to 1.5 years. So, every moment you spend in this pursuit is a worthwhile investment in a happier and healthier life.

Gaining a deeper understanding of how we behave in our friendships can be a wonderful practice ground for romantic love. As Martha Beck says, "How you do one thing is how you do everything," and how we connect with friends often reflects how we’ll connect with a partner. Two books that have become guiding lights for this work are Conversations on Love by Natasha Lunn and Love Undetectable by Andrew Sullivan, which illuminate the power of friendships and relationships in our lives.

Time spent on finding good relationships is one of the greatest investments we can make. Gottman Couples Research even shows that poor relationships can shorten our lives by 1.5 years for every year we spend in them. Choosing a healthy partnership isn’t just an investment in love; it’s an investment in our well-being.

During the exhilarating early days of a new relationship, it’s tempting to be swept away by chemistry alone. This is where our Connection Checklist becomes invaluable. This tool empowers clients to pause and check in with their head, heart, and gut, focusing on what truly matters as they navigate new connections.

So, as you look for someone to share your life with, don’t forget to stay connected to yourself and consider how your friendships set the stage for deeper love—taking a moment to check in with yourself after each new connection, whether a blossoming friendship or romantic interest, is worth the time.

🔍 Big Picture Questions

- What side of me did they bring out?

- Do I feel more energized or drained than before?

- How does this person align with or challenge my values?

💪 Body Check

- What was my breathing like? Was it steady, shallow, or quick?

- Did I feel relaxed or tense?

- Any tingling, warmth, or shudders?

- Did I feel light and open, or heavy and anxious?

- Was my heartbeat steady, racing, or calm?

🤔 Curiosity & Interest

- Am I curious to know more about them?

- Did we laugh together?

- Was I interested, bored, or neutral?

🤝 Personal Feelings

- Could I let my guard down?

- Did I feel like part of a “we” in our moments?

- Did I feel heard and understood?

- Did I feel comfortable around them?