Investing in Appreciation
On summer nights at the cottage, after the dishes were washed and dried by hand, my grandfather would reach for my grandmother’s hand, and the two would stroll down to the bench my Poppa had built for them. Nestled between two birch trees, they would take in the “Greatest Show on the Great Lakes,” relishing in each hue, exclaiming that each one was better than the last. They would lean into one another, their heads touching. The fondness between them still evident after 50 years of marriage and 9 kids between them. Their evening ritual ended when the sky turned black, and they turned towards each other for a kiss —a tender moment of affection and appreciation that punctuated each day. I learned so much about gratitude, appreciation and affection from watching these two in their rituals of love.
Appreciation for your partner is like watching a sunset: it asks you to slow down, be present, and follow the pace of nature. It is also an antidote to contempt in relationships—one of the Four Horsemen that can predict whether your relationship thrives or meets its demise, according to research done at the Gottman Love Labs.
To appreciate your partner like a sultry sunset, practice these five things:
- Be Present: Like a sunset, pause and give them your full attention.
- Notice the Details: Appreciate their small, unique qualities.
- Express Gratitude: Let them know how they brighten your life.
- Be Gentle: Just as the soft hues of a sunset treat the sky, let love unfold without pressure.
- Celebrate the Moment: Pay attention to the little moments. Each one is as unique as each setting sun.
Appreciation is about slowing down and seeing the beauty in what’s right in front of you.
